Your Questions About Out Of Control Teenager Parenting
David asks…
What causes a teen to get out of control?
What causes teenagers to get out of control and disrespect parents/teachers, use drugs, smoke, skip school, have sex, etc…
Is it poor parenting?
Bad media influences?
Peer/social pressure?
Other?
What is your opinion?
admin answers:
I think it’s all of the above.
Poor parenting can be either completely permissive parents or overly controlling parents who monitor and suffocate their children. Their kids will either run wild because they can, or because they are trying to excape.
The media glorifies ridiculous behavior. Ever watch My Super Sweet Sixteen? Or whatever that show is. Starlets dress in as little as they can get away with. People like the Kardashians are held up as role models.
Peer pressure exists. It has existed since forever.
I also think teenagers are hardwired by their nature to pull away from their parents. Teen angst and rebellion has long been a part of being a teen. Think about the teens of the 50′s. They weren’t all perfectly behaved in a poodle skirt and a perky pony tail. The 60′s with it’s free love and free speech. The 70′s with it’s drug use. The 80′s with drug use and excesses of every type. There were lots of kids who smoked pot and snorted coke on the street behind my school. I graduated in 1981. Us old folks could be out of control too. We all know there were out of control kids in schools five years ago!
Most kids don’t run wild. Some do. And that will continue.
Paul asks…
my teenager is out of control. what are my rights as a parent to control her. can i make her quit her job?
admin answers:
I am confused, why would a punishment for your teenager be quitting their job? Teenagers will naturally pull away from their parents in order to gain more independence and holding down a job is a positive way to do this. Taking drugs, having sex, ignoring curfews and having other reckless behavior are dangerous.
I suggest family therapy in order to better communicate and be more effective in your parenting.
Good luck.
Robert asks…
Overly controlling parents and angry teenager?
So I turned 16 a couple days ago, and tonight I had a huge fight with my parents. I’m a Type 1 Diabetic, and I have been for 7 years now. Lately, I’ve been lacking on checking my blood as often as I’ve been told to do. I’m also a straight A student who usually gets along with my parents and doesn’t argue a lot.
Back to the fight tonight, I walked in the house tonight and my mom asks my sister and I, “So you two understand no one is doing anything this weekend?” I asked why. My dad replied, “You two haven’t been doing your chores without being asked.” Thats a load of crap. I told him that it was. “Well, you haven’t been checking your blood sugar like you should. So you’re grounded too.”
At this point I lost it. They’ve been trying to control every aspect of my life more than usual lately. I listened and I was apparently mad. He told me to lose my attitude. I said, “This is my disease. And I’m getting punished for living my life?” It is completely unfair. A big argument broke out. I ended up just going to bed. I need to know how I should handle this situation, with the overly controlling parents.
And serene, don’t answer if you’re not going answer the question. It’s my life, not there’s “kid”
admin answers:
Your parents are just trying to shape you into a responsible adult. Your only 16 and in a couple of years you will be able to choose what it is you want to do. Trust me, if i only had housework to do, id go back to being 16. And as far as checking your blood sugar, im sure they care about your health. Im 31 years old and even tho i dont live with my parents anymore they still see me as their child which can still get on my nerves. Just suck it up. I know being in the house for the weekend sucks but you will have plenty weekends left in your lifetime. Good luck. Btw, yelling and arguing doesnt make it any better. Just try talking to them when everyone is calm.
Ken asks…
how do parents handle out of control teenagers?????
there are some that don’t have the problem
admin answers:
It depends on how out of control they are.
If they’re not doing the dishes and not cleaning their room, then its not that big of a deal.
If they’re going out at all nights, smoking, drinking, having sex, and doing drugs, then there’s an internal problem and you need to sit down with them and talk to them. Don’t be afraid of them but don’t make them feel too afraid of you.
You should have established from the beginning that you’re their parent but also their friend and that they can turn to you with any type of problem and speak to you without worry or discomfort.
I hate the idea that parents and kids have to be on different levels when it comes to social life. Be open with your child(at the appropriate time, of course).
Lisa asks…
How can I help change the way a friend parents her child?
I have a good friend who yells at her 1 year old baby. I’ve tried to show her a good example of parenting whenever she’s around (I have a baby, too) but it hasn’t worked. It really bothers me that she calls the baby names and swears. For example, her baby was on her bed and was at risk for falling and she kept yelling “YOU’RE GOING TO FALL! YOU’RE BEING STUPID!” Of course, I told her (I was on the phone) “Why don’t you just take her off of the bed?” This is just one example of many and it doesn’t look as bad in writing than it actually is. She has a teenager who’s out of control and she parented her the same way as the 1 year old. I warned her about how she parented the teenager when the teenager was little, but she didn’t listen and now she has nothing but problems with her. She’s making the same mistakes with this next baby and it really bothers me how she yells at her. Any suggestions? Please, realistic answers from experienced parents only. Thanks!
I should change the question to “What’s the best way to help my friend not verbally assault her 1 year old?” Perhaps the way I stated the question turned some people off because several answers are terribly rude.
I am not a new parent. Like my friend, I have a teenager. She does things to her baby that are unthinkable to me, like hit her, yell, call her names. It’s to the point where I can’t be around her with her baby around anymore. It’s too distressing for me. I believe it is my business because she’s my very good friend. She just happens to suck at parenting!
admin answers:
OH…. I feel so bad for those children. No child deserves to be called names, or yelled at (yet there are so many that are)… BUT, I also feel for the mom in some ways. It is very possible that in having never been given any proper parenting tools herself, she only uses what she has been taught. She now is overwhelmed and frustrated by the rebellion that her first daughter shows and yet doesn’t know what to do differently with the second.
I wonder, too, if she’s dealing with post partum depression… That can be VERY nasty and can cause a person to feel things and do things that they wouldn’t normally do without those nasty hormones rushing through them. Anyone who has never had it can just keep their mouth shut!!! I KNOW what I’m talking about.
There is help out there. Sometimes it takes asking the right questions to various people (like you’re doing now) or doing some research into what you can do. You may not be the only person she needs to give that help to her, and she may be defensive and “bite back” out of fear to any advice you may offer.
Be compassionate toward your friend, but definitely make this your business because the safety and self-esteem of an innocent little child does not need to be sacrificed if there can be some changes made in an appropriate manner. “Raising” a child and “abusing” a child are two totally different issues. It really does “take a whole village to raise a child”. I hope that you can find a village willing to help!
I don’t know how you and your friend interact, or how comfortable you are with talking frankly with her… It may or may not be the appropriate measure to take, but you need to trust your instincts on this one. If she is having a particularly bad moment, perhaps you could say something like, “My dear friend… It looks like you are having a really rough day…. May I take your child (insert name) so that you can have a chance to rest a bit?” Offers of compassion sometimes soften people a bit, and that comment might allow her to realize that her behaviour is noticed.
A book on parenting that I particularly enjoyed was “Kids are Worth It!” by Barbara Coloroso.
I like a lot of what Dr. Phil has to say about parenting, too… And yes, we all raise our children differently, but there are some things that are just NOT right!
I hope that you are able to offer some help, especially for that little child’s sake…. Don’t give up!
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