Your Questions About Parenting With Love And Logic
Robert asks…
Do you ever find it humorous when other parents think they are superior?
There are a couple people on this forum that use natural consequences and parenting with “love and logic“/permissive type parenting to raise their children. I find it interesting that at some actually believe themselves to be superior, better parent because they don’t give consequences or spank her children. They don’t believe in consequences because “consequences do not teach, they control”. They believe that the only reason consequences work is because it teaches the child to avoid a certain behavior rather than do the right thing because it’s the right thing….hmmm.
How about this: Why do we obey the rules that the government has set for us? Why do we obey laws? Do we obey them because it’s the “right thing” or do we obey them to avoid the consequences of the law? I’d say both. Likewise I believe consequences for children teach them to do right for both those reasons. When you deliberately break a rule you get a consequence. What are your thoughts on this?
-Add-
And please don’t tell me that children don’t know better and we must teach them. At some point the child DOES know better after being taught and then ignorance is no excuse for the behavior. They do not need to be re-taught and supervised. A consequence is in order.
Also I do think that there is no superior parent and that all parenting styles vary. However if you raise a child to believe that only natural consequences apply, what will happen when they go into real life and receive an unnatural consequence? You have then failed to prepare them for real life.
FYI: I’m far from perfect or superior, but I do know that I AM a good parent. I do the best that I capable of doing as a mother with the grace of God.
*WI MOM*
For my family God has everything to do with my husband and I being good parents. I’m sorry you feel that way.
*HeartSIN*
Awesome answer and pretty much right on.
admin answers:
Simply put – everyone has their own opinion on EVERYTHING. Its rare to agree about everything with anyone. So these people who think their better because their older, have more kids, dont spank – or WHATEVER reason… I just shake my head at them and move on. They want to act like anyone else is naive and they feel sorry for our kids, but really I feel sorry for them for being so close minded and cocky and its a shame that their kids will probably run around with the same attitude.
Richard asks…
ADHD, MY CHILD… My son was diagnosed with adhd and behavorial disruptive as well in school it hurts me?
I just dont know how to relate to him it is hard me as mother but way harder on him, what resources are out there, what have you done, what do you do? I am taking a course in parenting called “Love and Logic” and a social skills class where my son can taking a different approach with other children that dont cause children to reject him because he is very unique.
He smart as a whip well articulated easily bored at times gets ” stuck on things” he has meltdowns, temper issues and its driving a wedge between us, I feel like I am loosing my bond with him. I am single mom that doesnt help but I am a dam good mother but I am exhauster? What do you do what would you do
admin answers:
Sorry this long! How old is he? Age makes a big difference. My son has sever ADHD, home life is so hard I send him every other weekend to spend the night with family cause. It give us time to calm down. My son has tantrums at home when he is told to something that he does not want to do. I have found that if I give him tasks to do that take only a few min helps. When he doesn’t want to listen at all he sit on his bed the rest of the day. If he listens, he gets to play video games, ride his bike or what ever. If he listens most of the week I let him play video games as long has he wants on sat verses an hour. Video games help calm an ADHD child down, it seems to give the brain a brake from going 100 miles an hour. They also sit still, which is the biggest blessing! Find out what he REALLY likes, use it as a reward. Decide what rules you want, the rewards and consequences for those rules. Sit him down and go over the rules. If he brakes them stand your ground no matter what he says or does. Make sure you know he is capable of following the rules when he wants to. For example I know if my sons room is a really big mess he is unable to clean it all at once. SO I will tell him what part to clean. When he listens he goes out side or play a video game for a little bit, then I send him back in, and so on and so on, until it is clean. I also do that with his homework.
My son has in-pluses, he doesn’t think all the time before acting or talking. That’s a hard one because he just turned 9 and he has a 2 year old brother. It seems like he’s always hurting his brother, but he is not out to hurt his brother, it just happens. My son was 6 and had just started the first grade when he was put on Adderall for his ADHD. The doc has up the dose 4 times over the years, she said she will keep upping it until we get to a dose that works. Since his inpluses are really effecting his ability to think before he acts, she has add Intuniv. She add this to his Adderall to help with his inpluses. Both medications have helped A LOT, to clam him down. I try to spend 30 mins to an hour one on one with him, and do a puzzle, play a board game or what ever , but he doesn’t get that special time with me with out his brother if he wastes his time not doing what he was asked to do.
AS far as your bond with him, that’s going to be a tough road. The best thing to do is him as much love as you can. Give him lost of hugs and kisses and tell him you love him a lot. When he has a fit or what ever after you correct him, tell him you love him, even if you are still mad. Tell him you are sorry but you only do it because you love him. If you say you love him when you are still mad or upset. It will reinforce his thoughts about your love towards him, if you can look him in the eyes, tell him you love him with all your heart, even though he can see you are still up set. It shows him you truly love him. I have a habit of taking my hands and gently hold my son’s head so he looks me in the eyes and say ” I love you very much but I can’t take this right now so you need to go to your room until I come get you”. He know this means we need a time out from each other.
To sum it all up: Show and tell your love for him as much as can, even when your clearly upset. Invest in video games if you don’t have any yet. Stand your ground on the rules, if you don’t he WILL walk all over you and do what it takes to brake so he gets his way. Make sure rules and chorus are age appropriate. Take time outs from each other when needed. If you can, send him to a family for the weekend. Talk to his doctor and tell them the good and the bad! Sometimes medication is a must. Call the school to see if there is a program for his special need( I hate to use that term) most have something to help for ADHD. Small tasks not big ones. See if he will help you around the house. My son is nine, he likes to help chop things up for dinner with supervision (it’s a good bounding activity), also he likes to clean off the table and sink, and water the outside plants. SO see if there are things around the house he can do with you. Try to allow for one on one time. Sometimes its the little things that make the biggest difference. Remember his brain is going 100 miles an hour most of the time, and he my not be in full control of his emotions and actions. Parenting is trial and error, somethings work with one child and not the other, even with sibling. My two kids are nothing a like. I have to do things a lot different with my 2 year old then I did with him when he was 2.
Again sorry this is long but ADHD is complicated. Look up info on the internet and read up on it.
Mary asks…
What determines the extent to which a teen will rebel – their environment or brain development?
Some kids with loving parents rebel more and some with drug addict parents try to live an exemplary life- or the other way around. There seems to be no system of logic involved – could it be different brains?
admin answers:
Whether or not a teen will rebel doesn’t depend on either their environment or their brains alone, but rather both things working together. Their environment could include anything from family to school to community, and if they have poor conditions in all three areas, then the likelihood of them rebelling/living poorly in the future is high, even if they have a ‘good’ brain. Similarly, a resilient child could have bad parents but a good school and community and they will be more able to live a good life.
So, it IS hard to tell which teens will rebel and which will not because there are so many factors to look at, and not just home life and the child’s personality. The brain/personality of the child does play a role in the development but it will not map out how the child will act in the future because of the interaction of different environments.
George asks…
My Chances into getting into these universities?
So…I am just curious as to what my chances are into getting into my list of colleges since I am eager to be there already! However, please note that I am currently a Junior and HAVE taken the SAT but have not yet received the scores. I am White for those of you who think race has everything to do with it…
List:
1. Georgetown University (Main Choice out of all listed)
2. Univ. of Washington
3. George Washington University
4. UCLA
5. Brown
6. UC Berkley
7. Seattle U
8. University of Chicago
Safe schools:
1. Washington State U
2. Northwest University
3. Gonzaga University
Education:
2009 – Present —- High School, ——,——-
2008 – 2009 ——- High School, ——,——
2012 Graduation Year
Academics:
Cumulative GPA: 3.63 (Unweighted)
Academic Standing: Top 5% of Junior Class
Class Rank: 21/450
AP Courses: AP Biology, AP European History, AP 10 English, ADV 9 English,
AP US History, AP 11 English
Leadership:
2010 – 2012 (My State) State Board of Education Student Representative
2010 – 2012 (State) Association of Student Councils Executive Board Member (WASC)
2009 – 2011 —– High Public Relations Officer
2009 – 2011 —— High ASB Executive Committee
2009 – 2011 —— High Student Ambassador
2010 – 2011 ——- High Link Crew Leader
2009 – Present 4-H Camp Leadership Team
2009 4-H Camp Counselor in Training
Awards/Honors:
2011 MoveOn.Org Regional Organizer Selectee
2010 State Board of Education, Junior Rep. Selectee (Two Year Term)
2010 State Farm Star Award
2010 WSSDA Annual Conference Selectee
2009 WSSDA Annual Conference Selectee
2009 State Farm Star Award
2009 PHS Golden Dog Nominee, Certificate of Academic Excellence
2009 PHS Rising Star Award, In Recognition of Academic Excellence
2009 Scholar Athlete Award
2009 21st Century Scholar
2007 – 2008 McLoughlin MS PE Student of the Year
Volunteer/Community Service:
2010 Water Stargrass Removal Project, Benton Conservation District
2010 Kid Care for Love and Logic Parent Class
2010 Kid Care for Association for Teachers and Parents
2009 – 2010 Youth Take Heart
Extra Curricular Activities:
2011 Success Club
2010 —- High Varsity Boys Soccer
2010 —- High Cross Country
2010 Spanish Club
2010 Key Club
2010 Speech and Debate Club
2010 Drama Club
admin answers:
I say good. Even better if your parents have money.
Those schools are all about CASH, if you have it, you can get in.
Answer mine:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgbXrORHngFs90cNSlgJ39Tsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110131190524AAmbwR1
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/askAdditional?qid=20110131190941AAzQigl
Sandra asks…
i married someone based on logic not love…i’m haunted by the feelings that i had with my ex!?
i broke up with my ex-fiance after being together for 2 years…we had big family issues(he was so independet ,he worked for his father and he couldn’t move without his permission and…) but he loved me so much..i loved him too but i couldn’t bare being controled by his parents and…after 2 months i got engaged with my husband which we married 2 months ago (we dated for 4 months)…he is a very talented ,rich and handsom guy…i’ve known his family since i was 5…anyway…now i can’t stop thinking about my ex- i’ve got doubt about my marriage..althought i know getting married with my ex was not a bright idea and we had big problems but i had strong feelings for him which i didn’t know until now( i broke up with him so easily and didn’t think of him until these past weeks after my marriage)…i just don’t know what to do…and this is not something that i can talk about it with annnyone!
my husband loves me(i think) he shows so much energy and love end passion but in return i can’t give him enough love and energy as my mind is busy thinking of my ex-…so my husband keeps asking me if i love him ! and i say yes and i try my best to show him everything is alright and i’m happy with my marriage(hoping everything will be really alright and i’ll really forget about my ex)
admin answers:
YOUR SELF. AND HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR HUSBAND AND MARRIAGE.Tell the ex back off .
Acknowledge the fact , yes you did love him, but that wasn’t the problem and in 2 yrs you could make it work, You are giving him power, that could in end ,,leave you with either. Your doubt isn’t whats real. Its it seeing his face again, bring up feelings.
Get on with your life and enjoy your new husband.
We all want what we cant have.
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