Your Questions About Parenting With Love And Logic
David asks…
“Parenting with Love and Logic”?
Has anyone here read/used this book with your toddler? Just curious to hear your thoughts – yay or nay?
admin answers:
Great book! I like that it is pro-physical discipline. Corporal punishment is the way to go. Trust me.
Chris asks…
Love and Logic Parenting?
I recently learned about the idea of teaching with love and logic, and want to start parenting this way as well. My son is only 8 months old though. 
What is an appropriate age to begin, in your opinion?
For those not familiar with love and logic, it basically not using punishments or rewards, and instead having natural consequences for actions. www.loveandlogic.com
admin answers:
Though a bit more money, Jim Fay’s CDs are much, much better than the books. I’ve listened to them 20 times over the past four years. Trust me, they work. I have the best-behaved kid on the block.
Lizzie asks…
anyone use Love and Logic parenting style?
I don’t, although I read the book and sorta get the whole natural consequence thing. I’ve tried bits and pieces but can’t go along with the whole idea. Anyway, one thing I was wondering… it specifically in the book talks about if your child does not want to wear a coat that you, as a parent, should allow him to go without and get cold so as to teach him what it feels like to forget the coat. So what I want to know is
1, what if the child does not care about being cold and still does not wear a coat. Then after a week develops a cold and ear ache and misses school (true story here).
2, next how many times do you have to allow your child to break something, fail, etc before you step in and actually parent the child? From what bits and pieces I’ve tried it didn’t seem like my kids were learning anything too fast from this method. It just made them run around like heathens.
Brianna, I didn’t say it was freezing temps outside. Simply cold enough to wear a coat. And I will tell you that it is *you* that are wrong… Being cold does not cause illness but it definitely weaken the immune system to the point where opportunistic virus and bacteria and invade quicker and easier. I *know* what I’m talking about here. And the breaking stuff bothers me because it’s my money that bought the stuff in the first place.
admin answers:
If my child is comfortable being cold, then I’m fine with that. I’m not living inside their skin, they are. I think that catching colds is a combination of lowered defenses -and- increased exposure to bacteria & viruses. In the case of my children, their defenses are lowered both when their bodies are busy staying warm -and- when they are exposed to a roomful of people carrying a virus while their bodies are nice, overheated breeding grounds, too. Both being too cold and being too warm are excellent ways to invite a virus in to stay.
If my child catches a cold – that is a consequence of poor health choices that s/he made or ones that I made, that they trusted me to make. Being ill *is* the ‘punishment’ for those poor choices – it’s not fun being sick! While helping my child through the illness, we would talk about what we thought caused it & what could be done differently to avoid it in the future. Handwashing, constantly, is really the best defense – coat or no coat, inside or outside.
L&L parenting *is not* free range parenting and it is not neglectful parenting. It is very hands on parenting. L&L parents (and this is clear in the book) simply do not create or impose punishments that are not the logical outcome of the child’s behavior. They let the lessons come naturally & logically as a result of the child’s choices & actions. They help their child to see the cause & effect in their own actions & words. They help the child learn how to learn from their own mistakes.
L&L parents help their children to think “When I do this, it causes this. I don’t like when that happens, so how will I do things differently” And, while this technically works with non-logical punishments – timed timeouts, groundings, corporal punishment, random chores (that are not related to fixing their mistake), etc – it does not help the child to then make the step of thinking ahead to other decisions in their future, ones that have not yet been assigned arbitrary punishments. When faced with a new decision that does not yet have a rule or punishment assigned by a parent or authority figure, the child has not been taught the skills to think through the possible outcomes of their choices to make and take responsibility for a decision of their own.
So, there is no ‘how many times do you let them fail before you step in and parent’. The parenting is happening all of the time. L&L parents simply use the natural consequences of the actions to help their child learn how to make better decisions for themselves, rather than using arbitrary punishments to get their child to simply do as their told.
Take the ‘breaking things’ scenario. If a child breaks something that does not belong to them, then they should face the logical conseqence of doing that. They need to make amends. This *is not* a punishment – it is a logical consequence that happens when you damage something that does not belong to you. The child must repair or replace the item. They must apologize. If they do it again, the logical consequence would be a loss of freedom to be unsupervised when around that type of thing until they begin to show more responsible behavior.
If a parent is simply letting their child break things and go without accepting consequences for those actions, then they are *not* following the precepts of L&L parenting. They are simply being neglectful.
James asks…
“Love and Logic” series…looking for subjective/objective responses and evaluations?
I am looking for objective evaluations of the “Love and Logic”
series by Foster W. Cline, MD, especially the title “Parenting with Love and Logic” (but “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic “would be OK too).
Also the the overall philosphy, psychology, effectiveness, etc. of the whole Love and Logic approach…overall..does this method work? and if so..is it grounded well in the social sciences? ).
Also, I would be interested in any subjective responses..(did it work? what do you think of the approach?)
Also, how does one gage how popular this is?
(Libraries owning books, books sold, Web site hits, mass media “appearances” and/or ?? ).
I realize I am putting the cart before the horse here.
Am going to research this through databases (that search for magazine & journal articles/book reviews)
Although I can only give one “best answer”, I am offering
a “free answer” to anyone who replies (just click on my icon)
Let me know how I can clarify this!
Yes, I am asking a lot of questions.
I am not a parent, for one!
And when it comes to popular culture,
I know little about how popularity is “achieved”, ranked, etc.
[Not discounting the "wisdom of the crowds" here!]
And also, know little about what consitutes good parenting from both theoretical/practical approaches.
Answers so far have been helpful!
(April 14th)
Thank you much!
admin answers:
I took the class when my daughter was 6 months old, at the time a lot of the subject matter did not apply to me. My daughter is now 18 months old and I have implemented some of the discipline techniques. I have also utilized the leave her until she’s sweet . When she has a tantrum and time out do not work she is placed in her room until she is finished and can say sorry for her bad actions. As she gets older I will take a refresher course. I loved the knowledge I gained it was helpful for this first time mom
Lisa asks…
What should I compromise on and not compromise on with a babysitter?
For the first time I need to find a “real” baby sitter for my 15 month old. I am a firm believer in parenting with love and logic rather than punishments and rewards, so sitters and I typically don’t agree on discipline. What things should I be willing to compromise on and what things should I stick to my guns about?
admin answers:
Nothing. If you are hiring and paying a babysitter to come into your home to watch your children then the babysitter NEEDS to follow your rules. That is what you are paying her for. You are the mother and you set the rules and thats all there is to it. Not to mention I firmly believe that changing the rules when it’s convenient sets a bad example and makes it confusing for the child.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers